If Jesus Did, I Will Too
For some reason, I've been in a very introspective mode lately. Not sure why?!?!Lately we've been reading about the Amazing Mother Theresa, probably the closest thing to a Saint that lived during my lifetime (next to my lovely bride, of course)! Yet for all that Mother Theresa did to spread the love of Jesus to the poor and destitute, and as much as she sacrificed, and as much as she obeyed the call of God on her life, she still had internal doubts and questions.
Just recently some of her personal journal pages have been released, and have revealed how she questioned her own faith, and questioned wether God was really in her, and wether or not God had abandoned her! It has rocked many people of Faith. People don't know what to do with these personal confessions of this most amazing soul!
These doubts and questions she was having even troubled me! Cause to be honest, I have the same doubts and questions!!! But sometimes I feel like you aren't supposed to admit that because than your faith must not be real. People of faith say they KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt, and never question it. There are moments when I know, and moments when I question! But when someone says that when Jesus lives in you, there is never doubt, I struggle! So I hold it in, but than it makes me question my faith more!!! Why can't I talk about it and not sound less like a believer? Why can't I be honest? Why can't I say these things and not be judged. There is NO WAY any believer can tell me that they don't ever have doubts from time to time! And if they do tell me that, than I don't believe they are being honest with themself. Of course, I could be wrong.
BUT, think about this: when Jesus hung on the cross in His final moments, He said 9 words that are just as important as any of the other words He spoke. Words that validate my feelings that everyone feels doubt. Words that Mother Theresa resonated with, and words that I do too. Jesus, in his dying moments said, "My God, My God, why have YOU FORSAKEN ME?"Jesus felt forsaken! Did you catch that? Jesus felt forsaken. And if JESUS felt FORSAKEN (alone, abandoned, empty, forgotten, rejected, deserted, cast-off), and if Mother Theresa felt the same, than how can I ever expect to have a faith that doesn't go through times of emptiness and aloneness and feelings of being forsaken? I believe in that moment, Jesus experienced humanity at it's deepest level. He knows. He understands. And He feels your moments of deepest pain, doubt, and fear!
We can't let these questions and doubts cause us to run away. And we can't pretend like we know the answer to every question, fear, and doubt! That's not real. What's real is doubt. What's real is fear. And what's real is a faith and a Savior that has experienced these very things.
Jesus felt forsaken, alone, and forgotten ... and it was at His GREATEST moment! Mother Theresa felt the same. I probably will too.
Yet and still, I do believe!!!
5 Comments:
This is very informative. I had some doubts. It is enlightening to know someone I considered a strong spirit filled Christian had doubts. I do belief, Father God help my disbelief.
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This post has been removed by the author.
Hey Rob, I ran into your blog as I was searching the web looking for faces from the past. I work 3rd shift so I've become very fond of Googling things lol. I just wanted to let you know this post was very encouraging for me because I have been struggling in my faith for awhile now. I am going to make this as short as possible so I don't bore you. Well anyway I grew up in church and strayed away from it as a teenager to a life of alcohol and misery. I was re-born again at the age of 19 and I must admit that may have been the craziest and I felt one of the loneliest times of my life. I separated myself from all of my friends and I was convinced that, don't laugh but in the year 2000 Christians would probably get persecuted, fatally, in America. I was with a Seventh Day Adventist church and that is what a lot of them preach. I know it sounds dumb but at one point I really believed it would be 2000. I tried my best to be as blameless and holy as possible, and I feel like it drove me to seclusion from almost everyone in the world around me. What I do remember about that time is how desperately lonely I felt. I tried to seek joy in my salvation but it wasn't enough. So anyway I ended up backsliding and a few weeks ago I decided to turn my heart back to Christ again. However after I repented I felt that ugly feeling of desolation starting to return and it made me feel unsure about everything. You know, I never really thought about those words that Jesus said but you are so right on. He does know what we are going through because he has been through the same if not worse. It makes me feel so assuring to know that he understands. Reading your blog brought tears to my eyes. I remember so long ago knowing you and Carrie and not being the nicest of people to you. I apologize for that. Today I am a much different person and I look at your family, and you are all so beautiful. Carrie looks amazing! The boys are so handsome. I wanted to thank you personally for being such a positive influence on my younger life. I am always telling people I meet how fortunate I was to go to such a good church with such a wonderful youth pastor. I will never forget the impact you had on my life and I'm sure a lot of kids from the South Side of Chicago feel the exact same. I appreciate what you and Carrie did back then in serving in my neighborhood. Robb, I pray that the Lord blesses your family a million times over and over and keeps you in his omnipresent love.
I am so sorry for the long post, I have a lot of time on my hands lol.
So I knew you at Hope? Who are you? The suspense is killin me! Send me an email to robbschmid (at) aol (dot) com.
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